Star Thrower

I have had several positive things happen these past couple of weeks, so why am I having a hard time staying positive? Is it the depressing economy, the holidays looming (with my wallet lighter than ever), the overworked/underpaid thing, Roman's recalcitrance, exhaustion, the feeling of never being able to get anything done, the mounds of papers everywhere, the dirty kitchen, all of the above?

I'm angry at myself for not being able to count my blessings, but I just feel like I'm carrying this heavy load all the time. It doesn't seem to matter how hard I work; I feel like I am making no difference at all. I can't even take a vacation...just to escape and get a break... as hoped due to a serious lack of funds (despite working two jobs, 50-60 hours a week!).

This morning, a man yelled at me because Roman charged his dog, then Roman got attacked by three dogs (no dog was hurt, but our walk was soured)! It was a gorgeous morning, but these incidents seemed to symbolize how out of control my life seems right now, despite all I am doing, all I've done and I simply cut the walk short and left; ignoring the beauty the morning was trying to show me. Of course, in the grand scheme of things it is not a big deal; Roman needs to have his training tightened up. He's suffered from neglect due to my long hours (oh the guilt). He'll get back on track, but will I?

I then came across this story I had kept with my 'inspirational quotes':

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"